God Loves Beefcake!

You are sitting with your family at Easter, watching The Ten Commandments. You will notice that it's so very G-rated, so very Hollywood semi-Bible-based Inspirational. There is no question that Mother Angelica and Pat Robertson would heartily endorse this movie.

Uh … yeah … but … was the family values crowd watching the same movie? I'm not really a postmodernist, but in this case, I do wonder if there's some validity to their views about artistic intention. But then, the only way for those movie moguls of the '50s to get some sex into their movies was by injecting it into those Biblical epics, so maybe the sex (often of a sadomasochistic variety) that I'm seeing in this film is really there. 

But the sex in these movies isn't just heterosexual, and here's where the postmodern view comes into play. Yes, in The Ten Commandments, there are lots of dancing girls and even an attempted virgin sacrifice, and Anne Baxter as Nefertari vamps it up. Though I don't remember much cleavage, but then, why would I? I don't care about about boobs unless they're hard pecs on a man.

 

I repeat: why would I? Because I was watching all the bare chested beefcake in this movie, from the slaves pulling stones, to the Egyptian guards wearing what looks like pre-gay leathermen outfits, and, most significantly, that whipping scene.

Ah, that famous whipping scene. 

“Bind him between the columns!” orders Vincent Price as the Master Builder Baka in an affected manner (affected in his case equals gay, but also the unintentionally funny, bombastic script). Yes, prepare him for the whipping. The "him" is superhunk John Derek as Joshua, who had dared to rescue his romantic interest, the “little mudflower” Lilia, from Baka's clutches.

But then, I do wonder if Baka really wanted a piece of Joshua, and I'm not just talking about the pieces of flesh that might had been all that was left of Joshua had he completed the whipping.

But Joshua only gets two lashes, because a bare-chested, equally hunky Charlton Heston as Moses, who recently escaped from the brickpits, rescues him by killing Baka. First of all, none of this is in the Bible, and secondly, any thoroughbred gay guy could not miss the homoeroticism going on here, even if he isn't that kinky. 

 

 

And not just in this one or in other movies of this genre, but all through the late '50s and '60s, more muscle beefcakes like Steve Reeves, Gordon Scott, and Micky Hargitay showed off their pecs. Not just in the Biblical/religious movies, but in all those Italian “sword and sandal” flicks like Hercules and Samson and Ulysses (in this case, let's combine the Bible and Greek mythology!).

And many of these guys weren't really actors (but who really cares); they came from the Mr. America/bodybuilding competition world of the period. And, by god, they were definitely known on the pre-gay porn circuit, featured in those ostensible muscle magazines like Grecian Guild and Physique Pictorial, posing in skimpy thongs. To emphasize the gay male attraction to masculinity, these magazines showed these studs in historical costumes (gladiator costumes were a popular get-up, of course). 

What would these movies be without those big and bare-chested muscle hunks? Let me tell ya, pretty boring. Those movie moguls were smart about those religious movies. Get butts in the seats by showing as much ass as they could. And God was on their side, of course!

So, next time you sit down with your family to watch one of these flicks, remember: God loves beefcake!