Fun Dick Myths, Such as the Mystery of the Disembodied Penis

In Greek mythology, Chronos, son of the god Uranus (essentially means “heaven” in Greek), castrated his father and threw his dick into the sea. Aphrodite, goddess of love, rose from the sea where Uranus's penis had fertilized the waters. So much for heavenly love, or filial love, for that matter. It's all about sex and power. 

In ancient Egyptian mythology, Typhon (also known as Seth, god of chaos) slew Osiris (dismembering him) and kept his dick as a souvenir.. To honor Osiris, his wife Isis mandated that the phallus be an object for worship. (Osiris did get put back together again. I wonder if they found the dick.) 

According to Chinese legend, the tyrant king Chou-hsin could walk around a room with women perched on his erection because it was so big and strong. (He would be a macrophile's delight.) He would fuck ten women every night, but only edge out (so as not to “lose the Vital Essence”). When he became impotent, he beheaded the medical advisor who told him to do that. An appropriate punishment: I can't get my cock head up, so I will cut off your literal head. 

According to Roman mythology, Rome was founded by the offspring of a disembodied dick and a servant girl (the dick appeared one day in the fireplace of of the king of the Albanii and he ordered his daughter to copulate with the dick; the princess sent her maid instead). Her two sons, the twins Romulus and Remus, became the fathers of Rome. 

Note all the emphasis on “dismemberment” in the above stories (and another name for penis is “member”). 

Not that I am encouraging any kind of Freudian castration fantasy based on the above stories, rather, I think they pretty much show the primal power of the dick: cut it off, and you are basically dead. Be fertile and multiply. Spread that seed. 

In contrast, St. Paul, who didn't want people to have sex because he was certain the world was ending any minute, didn't so much advocate cutting off the “member,” which is what happens in these myths, as he calls it in his epistle to Romans, chapter six, but by repressing that urge you would be dead to the world and thus dead to sin/sex.

Guess what, Paul? The world didn't end.