BijouBlog

 By Will Seagers

Hello folks. Will here. (Or at least I think so!) 

Opening remarks... a little bit different this time. I'll be speaking about a topic that could be considered taboo in gay society as well as society in general... disappearing from the scene as we age. I heard about this many years ago, that as gay men age they start to become invisible. They lose that currency called sexuality. At that youthful point in my life, I didn't dwell on it, as I was in my heyday at the top of the rainbow and I believed life would go on forever with all of its magical charms.

The charms I am speaking about deal with youth and being relevant just because you are attractive. Unfortunately, that relevance is based on the skin deep illusion of beauty - the ability to turn heads and make people's pulses quicken with just your looks. I used the arc of a rainbow as a metaphor to illustrate how this phenomenon worked in my life.

"In the beginning" of life we start our rainbow. Despite all of the attention and love a child gets from their parents (depending on the luck of your birth), youth and adolescence can still be a painful "ugly duckling" period that seemingly lasts forever.

Unfortunately, the people who you find attractive don't even know you exist. This leaves you feeling like you're not even there. (At least, that was the case for me.) Not knowing any better, I took it for granted that this was my caste in life. This is particularly awkward in high school years when all sorts of hormones are raging. It leaves you rife for developing a complex!

But, when I least expected it, things started to change for me. I was around 19 or 20 when I felt both guys and girls gazing at me. It rocked my world. It was awkward not knowing what to do with this new attention. But, I explored!

From a very early age, I knew I was drawn to guys. I would have to laugh about how I coerced my neighborhood "buddies" into various states of undress just so I could feel that new and wonderful experience called "being turned on." Much to my pleasure, all that changed with my emerging new looks. I was being sought after. Talk about rocking my world. It seemed my ugly duckling years of this metaphoric rainbow were over. I was rising to its midpoint. 

Yep, that's when all of this porn business started to happen for me. Literally, plucked off the street by the likes of Man's Image, Target and Falcon Studios, I had to routinely pinch myself to make sure this wasn't a dream! Early on in this phase of my life, I realized that I had a gift. And, I had to take care of that gift for as long as possible. This was my new currency.

I always had great respect for older men. I wanted to learn the knowledge and history that they had acquired. But, I realized that I wasn't physically attracted to them. That was awkward and sometimes painful. These men, being older than me, understood their plight of invisibility. In the straight forward world of sex, they had no currency. I was never prone to giving away charity fucks. Only attractive men around my own age made any sense to me. Nonetheless, I began to understand this idea of becoming invisible.

Learning this in my thirties, I committed to keeping as much of my youth and looks as possible. I did well with my regimens for the next few decades... slaving away at the gym and lavishing myself with unguents of all kinds to ward off the inevitability of aging.

Up until my mid 40s, I was carrying on like I was two decades younger. I had moved to South Beach in 1994 and had the time of my life... living most of my time in and out of my little black Speedo! I literally had to leave that paradise to save my life and what was left of my mind. After all, I was 45 years old - NOT 25!

Then, it was my turn. It didn't happen overnight. And, it took its sweet time. I started realizing in my mid-50s - the ogling stares which once bothered me were coming less and less frequently. Like it or not, getting ready for invisibility was here. This was quite a shock for a one time "pinup boy!" Had I lost my “currency?” 

Now, at age 75 and looking back from the other end of the rainbow, I realize that I too have moved into the realm of invisibility. But, armed with the knowledge of what was coming, I prepared myself with a mindset of staying young at heart and not holding onto any delusions of youth. I have learned the huge lesson of gratitude... that is, to be thankful for a very special past. It has been one helluva trip across this wonderful rainbow! 

 

 

Bio of Will Seagers:

Will Seagers (also credited as Matt Harper), within his multifaceted careers and participation in numerous gay communities across the country in the '70s and '80s and beyond, worked as a print model, film performer, and DJ, just to name a few. He made iconic appearances in releases from Falcon, Hand in Hand, Joe Gage, Target (Bullet), J. Brian, Steve Scott, and more, including in lead roles in major classics like Gage's L.A. Tool & Die (1979) and Scott's Wanted (1980). He brought strong screen presence and exceptional acting to his roles and was scene partners with many fellow legends of classic porn.

Will Seagers, present day

You can read Will Seagers' previous blogs for Bijou here:

Welcome Matt/Will | What's For Dessert? | On and Off the Set of L.A. Tool & Die | Wanted, Weekend Lockup and Weekends in Hermosa Beach | Honeymoon in the Palms | Birds of a Feather | The Stereo Maven of Castro Street | The Pass Around Boy | The Ecstasy and the Agony | Fitness and Fantasy | Chasing the Boys and Chasing the Sun | Becoming Invisible | The Reverse Story of Dorian Gray | Pin Money | One Organ Leads to Another! | The Wheels of Steel | Feast and Famine | An Alphabet Soup of Powders and Pills | Merry Christmas (and Getting Re-Organized) | Now and Then | DEEP INSIDE THE CASTRO: The Badlands | DEEP INSIDE THE CASTRO: Moby Dick Bar | DEEP INSIDE THE CASTRO: "Just Another Stroll Down the Castro!" | Diving Into SoMa/Folsom: Hamburger Mary's | Diving Into SoMa/Folsom: Long Live the Stud! | Diving Into SoMa/Folsom: Club Life..."Hit me with your Rhythm Stick!” | A "Split Ticket": SoMa/Folsom and The Haight! | Staying Vanilla in a Flavorful Culture | A Little Secret | Recollections of the 1977 S.F. Gay Pride Parade | Life's a Beach | Flora & Fauna | Once Is Just Not Enough! | A Love of Cultures – A Knack for Languages! | For the Birds | It's About Time! | The Perfect Storm | Hello Chicago/Adieu Fire Island Pines! | Sex in the Woods! | My Life at the Gym | The Last Picture Show | Cumming Attractions! | The Peter Pan Syndrome | Valentine's Day Reflections | The “Idus Martias” and a Peacock! | Taxing I.M.H.O. | Nope...This Sure Ain't Kansas! | The French Connection | Water Baby | Pride: You Wear It Well! | Life Goes On... | The Dance Floor and the Booth, Part 1 | The Dance Floor and the Booth, Part 2 | The Dance Floor and the Booth, Part 3 | A Christmas Haiku | It's My Party & I'll BLOG If I Want To! | "Werk!" | It's My Party & I'll BLOG If I Want To! | Heart Throbs from the Past!

By Josh Eliot

In 1993, I was videographer on the Catalina Video movie The Bite for director Chi Chi LaRue. It featured a great cast headlined by Jon Vincent, and featured Derrick Corbin, Dillon Reid, Londun, Max Holden and Rob Cryston. We shot it at the same time as a movie I directed called Sex Between The Lines in a Hollywood Hills house formerly owned by Fatty Arbuckle, but at that time occupied by squatters. Say what? Ask Scott Masters! He had some really funky connections! I do remember regretting that I had not come up with the vampire movie idea; it was right up my alley, as I was born and raised in one of the most haunted states in the union. But I was just glad to be shooting a horror-themed movie, and Chi Chi did a great job with The Bite and The Bite 2! I never went the vampire route in any of my movies, but I probably should have If I had, I would have drawn upon two of the most notorious cases below.

A farmer named George Brown lost his wife, Mary, and daughter, Mary Olive, after both became sickly and died one after the other. In 1892, another daughter, Mercy, died at the age of 19. Two months later, George Brown’s teenage son, Edwin, became sick and frail. The village doctor told George that it was “consumption” that was taking his son, but occupants in the town of Exeter had another explanation. The undead.

Between 1790 and 1899, it was not uncommon in New England, particularly Rhode Island, for family members to demand that the bodies of their deceased family members be exhumed. The reason being that they suspected the dead of being “undead” and afflicting the living. Sometimes going as far as to burn the hearts, lungs and livers and mixing the ashes into a solution to administer to the afflicted as a treatment.

In March of 1892, villagers, a local doctor and a newspaper reporter, along with George Brown, entered the Chestnut Hill Cemetery, under the wild idea that one of the deceased members of George’s family was leaving the grave at night to suck the life out of his son, and only by killing the undead could Edwin be saved. The bodies of George’s wife and daughter Mary gave no clues, but when Mercy Brown’s body was exhumed, it appeared oddly well preserved, appearing like her hair and nails had also continued to grow. When they prodded the body with the shovel, they found it filled with fresh blood. They continued on and removed her heart and burned it on a nearby rock. All documented. The ashes were added to Edwin’s medicine, but he died a short time later. Rhode Island’s South County between 1870 and 1900 was known as the “Vampire Capital of America.” Rumors, accusations and panic set in. Bram Stoker, who wrote Dracula in 1897, kept newspaper accounts of “vampire” Mercy Brown in his files that were discovered after his death. For the less superstitious, the well-preserved condition of Mercy’s body could be due to the fact that she was buried in the ground during the two coldest months of the year. Mercy’s grave is one of the most visited to this day and is reinforced with a metal band connected to a post to protect it from being stolen. The Mercy Brown case is one of the best documented cases of the exhumation of a corpse in order to perform rituals to banish an undead manifestation.

Vampire's Grave is located in a rural 19th century cemetery by an old wooden church in West Greenwich Rhode Island, not all that far from the real Conjuring house at 1677 Round Top Road in Burrillville, RI.

 

Starting back in the 1960s, stories related to an occupant of the graveyard spread like wildfire around the state. A teacher at Coventry High School told the students the story of Mercy Brown, a young woman whose body was exhumed and heart removed because family members were convinced she came back from the dead. Bram Stoker’s Dracula was based in part on Mercy Brown, and she is currently buried in a graveyard in Rhode Island. The students, mixing up their details, tracked down the wrong cemetery and headstone belonging to Nellie Vaughn. Nellie Vaughn died in 1889 at the age of 19 from pneumonia. When the students came upon her headstone which read in epitaph, “I am waiting and watching for you,” the legend of Nellie Vaughn being a vampire was born. Still the talk of high school in the 1970s, my friends and I along with probably every other student in the state at some point went to Vampire's Grave after smoking a ton of weed. Of course we were 100% sure that she was in fact a living dead vampire. The night we were there was scarier than hell; to reach it you drive for miles through a thick forest to a very desolate area. It is at a crossroads where you come upon the Plain Meeting House Cemetery. It took us forever to find her headstone, and yes, no grass was growing over her grave like the story said. Although it was a very creepy experience, no sightings of strange phenomena occurred that night.

Today, that headstone has been removed because there was too much vandalism of her grave site over the years. Nellie Vaughn has no marker and is in an unmarked grave. However, people have reported seeing a woman in Victorian clothing in the cemetery before vanishing into the woods, and also hearing a young woman’s voice near the grave site saying, “I am perfectly pleasant.” Almost as if she is trying to clear her name. Trying to tell the visitors that she was not an evil, frightening vampire, but only a very pleasant, proper young lady. The worst thing for us that night was driving home from the grave, still very stoned, going down that very winding wooded road in the middle of nowhere. We turned a corner that opened up to a big field on the right side of the road. There was a huge barn fire with about twenty to thirty people in white robes standing around it in a circle. Very scary, “devil worshippy” and demonic! We all screamed when we saw them and hit the gas to get out of there, constantly looking in the rear-view mirror to make sure no one was coming after us.

I promised that when I wrote this final “Halloween” themed blog, I would include a little bit of sizzle in keeping with the fact that this is after all for the BijouWorld website. So, after our harrowing adventure to Vampire's Grave, we dropped off the girls (our high school “girlfriends” at the time) and met up with one of their brothers named Michael and his “friend” Donald. There was a house in the neighborhood that was vacant and under construction. David and I had been “working” these two for what seemed like forever, getting a little flirt here and there, always followed by a big fat “nothing.” We met up with the boys, smoked some more weed; then, after months and months of build up, I did Donald, while my friend David did Michael.

Bio of Josh Eliot:

At the age of 25 in 1987, Josh Eliot was hired by Catalina Video by John Travis (Brentwood Video) and Scott Masters (Nova Video). Travis trained Eliot on his style of videography and mentored him on the art of directing. Josh directed his first movie, Runaways, in 1987. By 2009 when Josh parted ways with Catalina Video, he'd produced and directed hundreds of features and won numerous awards for Best Screenplay, Videography, Editing, and Directing. He was entered into the GayVN Hall of fame in 2002.

The early 1970s. An affluent suburban landscape with plenty of space between spacious homes that today would be characterized as vintage. The high school that serves part of this district is a 1960s building with only two floors, bright brick on the outside, gleaming white tiles in the hallway, and wide windows, quite progressive compared to the multistory, dark brick, and overall prison-like structures that were the norm in previous decades.

Yet across the road a ragged piece of what might originally been a forest preserve served as a hangout to the cliques in that high school called “freaks” or “loads.” (I was never sure about the difference between the two in my marginalized social status.) They wore flannel shirts, faded Levis, and big boots (the girls too). They sported long hair (and I remember so many blonds). They really made a point of being distinct from the Protestant WASP jocks and cheerleaders that pretty much ran the school and who probably ended up in that day’s one percent.

And they smoked in that area, which everyone called The Hole. Now I’m not sure if any other type of activity was going on (given that name), because I was afraid to check it out, but it was common knowledge that smoking was going on, and not just cigarettes. Yes, they smoked what many at that time called grass. Diane, a girl on my French class who identified as a load, confirmed that information. Diane was a load (and I got the feeling she may have dealt the substance in hindsight).

Flash forward to college. I was a virgin in the world of illicit substances, until Denise and Punky and some other girls introduced me to the joys of smoking pot (we called it that name by that time). Denise always seemed to have it, because she got it from some big black guy named T.J. Punky too, because she was a punk gal who knew artsy guys on the North Side of Chicago. Denise and I smoked something called “Sense A Million,” which was supposed to be quite potent. I remember vaguely wandering through tunnels that connected the buildings on the campus and making claims that the overhead lights were beautiful and brilliant.

Fast forward to my young adulthood, gayling in the city both before and after coming out, and once again pot seemed to be central to my social activities. The lady who cut my hair used to deal (I had to call and ask for shampoo), and one year she gave me a leafy pot “bud” for Xmas. Another friend used to get it from some unknown dealer in the artsy neighborhood, and often weekend consisted of our own private “pot parties” at my place. We made pizza from scratch while high during the munchies phase (while the pizza was baking, we ate the standard Doritos and donuts).
 

One time this friend and I went a jack off party completely stoned. On the way to the party, we started putting the words “lava lamp” or “planet of the apes” into various movie titles. Think: Our Lady of Planet of the Apes, On A Clear Day You Can See Planet of the Apes, or my favorite, Hello, Lava Lamp. When I came up with that one, I collapsed onto someone’s grassy front lawn, laughing so hard I could not breathe. Needless to say, my wiener did not function very well at the jack off party, but I did end up that night taking home a hot black guy who dressed like a cowboy (who was also stoned or drunk and as a result, a limp dick).
 

In my more mature years, financial exigencies have prevented me from enjoying the vicissitudes of this marvelous substance.

Based on the above, I associate pot/weed/grass with a time when social activities didn’t depend on technology. Yet even though one could argue that getting stoned wasn’t exactly the best way to connect, when everyone is stoned … or even just two persons … I found that in some persons a sense of humor arise that were not always present in other situations, even a repressed poet or musician.
 

Overall, I found the best “pot highs” to be a different release of inhibitions than being drunk; senses were heightened, and sometimes very amazing creative thoughts appeared and disappeared. No violence, no teary confessions, no hangover. Everything is fun, silly, and everything tastes good. Joy. Unabashed, uninhibited joy.

Maybe the cock doesn’t rise up literally when one ingests pot, but the Romantic poet Coleridge’s imaginative “fancy” did from the depths of my cannabis-intoxicated soul. That same poet wrote the famous dream-vision poem Kubla Khan under the influence of opium.
 

Maybe that could be a motivation to finally legalize that marvelous grass, weed, pot, or any other name.
 

By Will Seagers

[Originally published 02/07/25]

Hi folks, Will here! And yet another odd blog title. I am actually poking fun at the word "work." I thought I'd choose the common and current vernacular of choice. Nevertheless, no matter how you spell, it it all boils down to the same thing.

With all the changes happening around us within the past two weeks, I thought it would be sensible to head back to the workforce. I have enjoyed the past six years of retirement. But, there are some serious signs appearing on the horizon of our great country that are creating a lot of insecurity within me.

Oddly enough, I had been contemplating a part time job for the past year or so. I have a good work ethic and miss employing it. My idea was to take on the simple job of working at my gym for a couple of days a week. I know the place like the back of my hand, since I am there five or six days a week anyway.

I had approached the husband and wife team who own the place with my idea about a year ago. It's a small operation, personnel-wise, and there were no openings at that time. All of that changed just recently.

I received a call about two weeks ago asking if I was still available. I paused for a moment and asked myself if I really wanted to go back to work at the age of 74. It didn't take more than a second to reply with a solid, "Yes!" So, I have been in "training" mode for the past week.

I have loved this gym for the past six years because of the way it is maintained. I have no problem with being a "scullery maid" to keep it that way. It is the membership and bookkeeping aspect that is a bit thorny. And, I live only a mile away!

A lot has changed in the past forty years since I worked in the gyms of San Francisco - in terms of data collection in the membership process. I will be using three computers in this process. Seniors and people in the workforce whose memberships are part of their insurance coverage use one computer program. And, the other two computers deal with cash and credit card sign-ups. It's a bit daunting. But, sheer repetition will have me up and running in no time.

Of course, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, my San Francisco gym experiences were in gay gyms. This one is decidedly co-ed. It is a nice blending of locals - some average and some stunning - all here for the simple purpose of getting fit. I will have to remind myself to keep my tongue in my mouth when the stunners approach! LOL.

So... wish me luck in my gym career redux! This will be like a lot of jobs I have had in my lifetime, where I have had a second or even third chapter. The key thing for me to remember is that "it's just like riding a bike"... I hope!

Bio of Will Seagers:

Will Seagers (also credited as Matt Harper), within his multifaceted careers and participation in numerous gay communities across the country in the '70s and '80s and beyond, worked as a print model, film performer, and DJ, just to name a few. He made iconic appearances in releases from Falcon, Hand in Hand, Joe Gage, Target (Bullet), J. Brian, Steve Scott, and more, including in lead roles in major classics like Gage's L.A. Tool & Die (1979) and Scott's Wanted (1980). He brought strong screen presence and exceptional acting to his roles and was scene partners with many fellow legends of classic porn.

By Will Seagers

[Originally published 01/18/25]

Hi folks - Will here! Another strange but humorous title for a blog that doesn't quite fit my normal writing schedule. But hey... it's my birthday!

I have always been a fan of that special day of the year that each one of has. And I've always been of a mind that it should be celebrated just like any other holiday! It gives a special feel as we start yet another trip around the Sun!

As a kid, I was always anxious to get Christmas and New Years out of the way so we could get to "my day!" I remember my parents would invite the neighborhood kids in for ice cream and birthday cake for several of my childhood birthdays. What great fun! (And, some bellyaches!)

Some of the pics in this blog serve as mile markers in my life - one of which is still my favorite picture of myself. It's one of me on my 40th birthday at my friend Jim's house in San Francisco casually leaning against his kitchen counter. The fascinating backstory to this was that Jim, with whom I had become quite close, had the exact same birthday... January 18, 1951. Some of our interests and "behaviors" were eerily similar! (Wink!)

Another of my birthday behaviors is remembering other people's birthdays. I always loved how flattered people were when I sent a card or called them on "their day." With my birth family and my chosen family of friends, I am always on the lookout so as not to miss that special occasion. It always seems to brighten that recipient's day.

This year I have been a little braver, in that I have finally shown some pics that are age-accurate. On Saturday January 18th, I turn 74! At the completion of this trip around the Sun, I am starting to realize that the "aging game" is finally catching up with me. Luckily, with the genes that I have been dealt, the aging process treated me with kindness... that is... until just recently! Having played the "Dorian Gray game" for years, all of a sudden I look and feel older. But, I really can't complain. As my friend George would say... "Hey you're still vertical!" LOL.

I am happy to report that I still am in good health after all of these years. As a regular at my nearby gym, I include exercise as part of my every day ritual. Albeit no more "Schwarzenegger Workouts," I have found that keeping my body regularly and sensibly exercised has warded off a lot of muscular and skeletal issues. And, the endorphins produced by this regular exercise boost my spirits.

So, I end this year's "Party" with a wish of longevity and health for all... Happy Birthday to YOU! XO, Will.

Bio of Will Seagers:

Will Seagers (also credited as Matt Harper), within his multifaceted careers and participation in numerous gay communities across the country in the '70s and '80s and beyond, worked as a print model, film performer, and DJ, just to name a few. He made iconic appearances in releases from Falcon, Hand in Hand, Joe Gage, Target (Bullet), J. Brian, Steve Scott, and more, including in lead roles in major classics like Gage's L.A. Tool & Die (1979) and Scott's Wanted (1980). He brought strong screen presence and exceptional acting to his roles and was scene partners with many fellow legends of classic porn.