Life Goes On...

Hello Folks. Will Here! The title of this piece refers to a philosophical retrospective on my life and what I thought were catastrophic events, but turned out to be the flow of good fortunes that followed... "Life Goes On."

I am an emotional and caring individual who, over the years, has developed an actual talent of hiding my feelings lest they be taken advantage of or manipulated. Suffering from an almost "Pollyanna" belief in the goodness of humanity, I have had some rude awakenings.

As a child, I endured painful events both physical and social. The physical was having two congenital inguinal hernias. At the age of seven, I had my first hernia repair. Back in those days, the procedure left me with what I called a Frankenstein scar and a lack of mobility for several weeks. But, my scar healed I and moved along my path of life with few, if any, people noticing this scar even with the close up lenses of cameras to come.

On this path of life, personality traits started to surface that were sort of androgynous... the "gay thing" was starting to happen. One memory early in my childhood was having my father enroll me in little league. I liked the t-shirt and cap I wore and that's where it ended. I was terrified of throwing, running and all of the activities that would have given away my little secret. My parents saw my anxiety and let me off the hook... Life strangely move me onto another sports arena... track and field. I could run, leap and bound my way into acceptance.

In middle school, my appreciation and participation in the arts brought me further into expressing myself. And, it was at this point - a point of no return - that I said to myself: "to hell with what other people think of me!" If I appeared to be gay... so be it.

With the flurry of hormones one experiences in adolescence, it was a good thing that I had made friends with myself and enjoyed the encounters of boys discovering themselves and other boys. No longer willing to be stifled, there were some heavy encounters with my parents. Without saying it, I let them know that this is who I am. Mind you, it did not come from a place of defiance. I knew that it was a more difficult path to walk. And, one that felt right to me.

The first romantic encounter that I can remember happened in my early twenties. Although sex had been plentiful, it was just sex. Then, a most beautiful fellow entered into the picture who stopped me dead in my tracks. At that time, I was a steward in the airlines. We met in a local Jersey Shore gay club. I was thrilled when saw that our attraction was mutual. The sex was crazy - and like I had never had before. I fell head over heels in love. Tall, very well built and with a full flaxen head of hair, I thought I had met my soulmate. This was my "Pollyanna" talking. The depth of my feelings were countered by the superficiality of his. The relationship lasted only long enough for him to take notes. In short order after we parted ways, he became a steward and I was not surprised when I saw him gracing the pages of several Colt magazines. Only now do I feel the pleasure of having been a role model.

After we split up, I had a bit of a breakdown and actually got sick. This emotional and physical malady eventually faded away. I learned a lot about him, but even more about myself. It was years before I was romantically involved again. I really needed to let life go on without any entanglements.

It was about five years later when I moved to San Francisco and had my first true love affair. Tommy and I met almost immediately after I arrived in the city by the bay. It was the first time that I felt a mutual love. We moved in together after a few short weeks of courting. We remained together until his passing fourteen years later in 1989. Here is when I thought for the first time that life wasn't moving on. Losing a true partner is devastating. It took almost five years before I felt comfortable enough to experience that special feeling again. But, life moved on, after all.

Seven years later, in 1995, my spouse and I met at the Roxy Dance Hall in the Chelsea section of New York. That night, we had a lot of fun dancing up a storm and flirting like crazy. At sunrise, when we left the club, I told him that I really wanted to see him again. As overly dramatic as it seemed, I could feel that this was the person that I really wanted to be with. Life did go on for us. We became the couple of my dreams, living in NYC and then moving to the Southwest, where we bought a home together and ultimately got married in 2022.

In my mid seventies, I do a lot of recollecting and reminiscing. I am grateful for my life, my dear friends and especially my spouse. I guess I am forever that "Pollyanna," still looking forwards to the future as life goes on!

Bio of Will Seagers:

Will Seagers (also credited as Matt Harper), within his multifaceted careers and participation in numerous gay communities across the country in the '70s and '80s and beyond, worked as a print model, film performer, and DJ, just to name a few. He made iconic appearances in releases from Falcon, Hand in Hand, Joe Gage, Target (Bullet), J. Brian, Steve Scott, and more, including in lead roles in major classics like Gage's L.A. Tool & Die (1979) and Scott's Wanted (1980). He brought strong screen presence and exceptional acting to his roles and was scene partners with many fellow legends of classic porn.