"Brick Wall"

Hi Folks - Will here. Yep, another crazy title. But, it's the first thing that I could think of that describes what I encountered when I returned to the East Coast. I had been gone for fourteen years and it was not an easy transition coming "home!"

It took me four days driving to hit this brick wall.

The transcontinental drive did some good. On this long drive back, I just meditated. I don't even remember listening to any music! Four days is a long time to be alone and in deep thought. But, my Guardian Angel was my co-pilot and provided me with a lot to think about... the rest of my life.

Me and my trusty steed arrived 2,945 miles later.

How does anyone trade San Francisco for New Jersey? Simple answer was I had to! Back on the West Coast, I was in constant battle with some pretty scary demons - Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll... or in my case, "Disco!"

When my partner Tommy passed in 1989, so did my guardrails. Looking after him in his state of declining health was my main job on the planet. With him gone, I was quite lost. I needed a place where I could "dry out" and look for a new path in my life.

My Great Aunt (also my Godmother) offered me a place to come and sort out my thoughts. She had always been my rock when I was in a difficult spot. But, there was a (painful) hesitation in her offer this time. I was forty and pretty much flat on my ass, jobwise and financially. I told her I just needed a brief period of time to bring my mind into focus and get my life back on track.

Within a couple of weeks of my return, I found work again as a salesman. Through a strange set of circumstances, I found a job that I really liked and that seemed to fit me very well. My sister mentioned me and my organ playing to her fiancée's brother... who worked for an organ/piano showroom.

I was excited. It felt like my transcontinental conversations with my Guardian Angel had paid off! The position required my kind of outgoing personality - one that is not afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger. It worked! I sold organs, made friends with my clients and networked my way into managing my own showroom(s).

The brick wall I referred to in the title was the conservative nature of the Jersey Shore vs the fourteen years of Sodom and Gomorrah life that I just left in S.F. I really had to slam on the brakes in a lot of areas of my life. I was no longer in Oz! Now, being gay seemed almost clandestine. Nevertheless, I ventured out to old local haunts. They had changed a lot over the years. Even though I was still pretty good looking for forty, I couldn't seem to break the ice with any of the locals. I was dying of boredom. So, I ventured the sixty short miles north to New York City. What a relief it was to go to clubs and mingle with other gay folks.

Just when I was starting to feel comfortable with my relocation, my Great Aunt had a massive stroke. She died within a week. My second set of guardrails was no more. To add to this nightmare, my mother seemingly came out of the woodwork to claim the house where I was living (and thought I was inheriting). With a will in her hand, she generously gave me two months to find another place to live.

Shell-shocked by all of this, I moved into an apartment in Northern N.J. to be close to a new showroom location that I was managing. Workwise, I was doing okay. But, my personal life was nothing short of boring. All I needed to add to this was one of the worst winters in a decade. Every weekend was a snowstorm. My fourteen years on the West Coast had turned me into a "weather wimp!"

Even with New York's skyline, snow is not glamorous.

Looking at my lackluster social life, matching career and snow banks, I started to get the itch to move south... far south... I wanted to take one more daring leap into the unknown. The sunny surf of South Beach was beckoning. This whole new "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the sea was awaiting.

Trading one wall for another.

Bio of Will Seagers:

Will Seagers (also credited as Matt Harper), within his multifaceted careers and participation in numerous gay communities across the country in the '70s and '80s and beyond, worked as a print model, film performer, and DJ, just to name a few. He made iconic appearances in releases from Falcon, Hand in Hand, Joe Gage, Target (Bullet), J. Brian, Steve Scott, and more, including in lead roles in major classics like Gage's L.A. Tool & Die (1979) and Scott's Wanted (1980). He brought strong screen presence and exceptional acting to his roles and was scene partners with many fellow legends of classic porn.

Will Seagers, present day

You can read Will Seagers' previous blogs for Bijou here: